Relationships can be deeply meaningful—and they can also be difficult.

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You may love each other and still find yourselves caught in the same arguments, feeling misunderstood, disconnected, or unsure how to reach one another.

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Often, couples aren't struggling because they don't care. They are struggling because they have become caught in patterns that are difficult to step out of on their own.

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We offer couples therapy primarily through Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), an evidence-based approach that focuses on the emotional bonds between partners and the patterns that develop when those bonds feel threatened. When helpful, we also integrate Gottman-informed approaches and strategies to support couples in areas such as communication, conflict, friendship, and navigating differences.

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Together, we work to understand what is happening underneath the conflict and create new ways of connecting, responding, and feeling secure with one another.

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Kumsal works with couples experiencing:

• Communication difficulties and feeling misunderstood

• Recurring conflict or arguments that never seem to get resolved

• Emotional distance or a sense of disconnection

• Attachment-related patterns, insecurity, or fears of rejection or abandonment

• Different needs for closeness, reassurance, or independence

• Major life transitions that are putting strain on the relationship

 

Frequently Asked Questions​

Is this for us?

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You may find yourselves having the same argument over and over again.

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One of you may feel like you are always trying to get your partner's attention, reassurance, or engagement, while the other feels criticized, overwhelmed, or like nothing you do is enough.

 

Perhaps one of you pursues while the other withdraws. Maybe you both become defensive, shut down, or stop talking altogether.

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Over time, these patterns can become predictable—and painful.

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EFT helps us look beyond the argument itself to understand the emotional cycle between you.

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Rather than asking simply, "What are you fighting about?", we may begin to explore questions such as:

• What happens inside each of you when you feel disconnected from one another?

• What are you longing for from your partner in those moments?

• What do you do when you feel hurt, rejected, criticized, or alone?

• How does your partner respond—and how does that response affect you?

• How do these patterns keep the two of you stuck?

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Understanding these patterns can help couples move from blaming each other to recognizing the cycle they are caught in together.

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Couples therapy isn't about deciding who is right or wrong. It is about creating a space where both partners can better understand themselves, understand one another, and begin to experience their relationship differently.

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What happens in couples therapy?

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In Emotionally Focused Therapy, we focus on the relationship between you—not on assigning blame to either partner.

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Together, we will work to identify the recurring cycle that develops between you. This might look like one partner pursuing connection while the other withdraws, or both partners becoming defensive when they feel hurt or misunderstood.

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These patterns often make sense when we understand the emotions and attachment needs underneath them.

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For example, anger may be connected to feeling unimportant or alone. Withdrawal may be connected to feeling overwhelmed, inadequate, or afraid of making things worse.

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As we begin to understand these underlying experiences, therapy can create opportunities for each partner to express what they are really needing from the other in a way that can be heard.

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When appropriate, Kumsal may also draw from Gottman-informed strategies to help couples develop practical skills around communication, conflict, repair, friendship, and managing differences. These tools can complement the deeper emotional work of EFT and are tailored to what each couple needs.

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The goal isn't simply to teach you how to communicate better. It is to help you understand the emotional patterns underneath your interactions while developing new ways of responding to one another.

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Over time, the hope is that you can develop more secure ways of relating—so that you can turn toward each other rather than becoming caught in the same cycle.

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You don't have to stop having disagreements to have a healthy relationship. The goal is to develop a different way of moving through difficult moments together.

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What if my partner isn't sure? Does one of you want therapy more than the other?

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This is very common.

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Often, one partner reaches out first because they are more ready for support, while the other may be hesitant, uncertain about therapy, or unsure whether couples counselling will help.

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You don't need to have identical levels of motivation to reach out.

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If you're the partner who is ready to do something differently but your partner isn't sure, you are still welcome to contact us.

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We can have a brief conversation about what is happening, what you are hoping for, and whether couples therapy feels like an appropriate next step.

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EFT recognizes that relationships are shaped by both partners and by the patterns that develop between them. If you are feeling stuck in one of those patterns, we can begin by understanding what is happening rather than trying to determine who is at fault.

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If you decide to move forward, we can talk about how to make the process feel comfortable and appropriate for both of you.

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How do we get started?

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The first step is a brief 20-minute consultation.

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This is an opportunity to tell us a little about what has been happening in your relationship, what has brought you to consider therapy, and what you are hoping might change.

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You don't need to have your relationship figured out before reaching out. You also don't need to agree on exactly what the problem is.

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You can start with where you are.

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If you're wondering whether couples therapy might be helpful, we invite you to get in touch to schedule a brief consultation with Kumsal.