What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is an attachment-based approach that helps individuals and couples better understand emotions, relationship patterns, and underlying needs.

EFT helps clients identify the emotional patterns that keep them feeling stuck. By exploring underlying emotions, needs, and fears, clients can develop healthier ways of responding.

Who can benefit from EFT couples therapy?

EFT can support couples experiencing frequent conflict or recurring arguments, emotional distance or disconnection, difficulty expressing needs, trust concerns, relationship transitions, intimacy challenges, and communication difficulties.

Is EFT only for couples?

No. EFT can be used with individuals as well as couples.

Can EFT help with trauma?

EFT can support trauma recovery by helping clients safely process emotional experiences.

How long does EFT therapy take?

The length of EFT therapy depends on your goals, concerns, and needs. Some clients benefit from short-term support, while others choose longer-term therapy to explore deeper emotional patterns and relationships.

What happens in an EFT session?

Sessions often involve exploring current emotional experiences, identifying patterns, understanding underlying needs, and developing new ways of responding. The process is collaborative and tailored to your goals.

Is EFT suitable if I have never been in therapy before?

Yes. EFT can be a supportive approach for those new to therapy.

Relational
Trauma Therapy

Relational trauma therapy offers an opportunity to understand yourself with compassion, heal old wounds, and build the secure connection you may have always needed—with yourself and with others.

Book a Consultation Now

Healing from Trauma Through Connection

Not all trauma begins with a single overwhelming event.

For many people, trauma develops within relationships—through experiences of emotional neglect, chronic criticism, inconsistent caregiving, betrayal, abuse, or feeling unseen and unsupported over time.

This is known as relational trauma.

Relational trauma can shape the way you experience yourself, your emotions, your body, and your relationships long after the original experiences have ended. You may notice patterns that leave you feeling stuck, even though you are doing your best to move forward.

Perhaps you:

Feel anxious, overwhelmed, or disconnected in close relationships.
Fear rejection, abandonment, or being "too much."
Struggle with shame or harsh self-criticism.
Find yourself people-pleasing or prioritizing others' needs while losing touch with your own.
Feel emotionally numb or disconnected from yourself.
Repeat relationship patterns you wish you could change.
Long for connection while also protecting yourself from getting hurt.
Feel confused about why certain situations trigger such intense emotional responses.

These responses are not signs that something is wrong with you. They are often protective adaptations—ways your mind, body, and nervous system learned to cope with experiences where emotional safety, connection, or support were missing.

What Is Relational Trauma?

Relational trauma refers to the emotional wounds that develop when important relationships do not provide the safety, consistency, attunement, or support we need.

Human beings are wired for connection. Our early relationships help shape how we understand ourselves, regulate emotions, trust others, and experience safety in the world.

When relationships repeatedly involve fear, rejection, neglect, unpredictability, criticism, or emotional disconnection, we may develop protective patterns that help us cope at the time but create challenges later in life.

Relational trauma can develop through experiences such as:

Childhood emotional neglect.
Inconsistent or unpredictable caregiving.
Growing up feeling unseen, unheard, or misunderstood.
Chronic criticism, shame, or invalidation.
Parentification or feeling responsible for others' emotions.
Bullying or repeated rejection.
Emotionally unavailable caregivers.
Controlling, abusive, or unsafe relationships.
Betrayal or attachment injuries.

Relational trauma is not only about what happened to you. It is also about what was missing—the emotional safety, responsiveness, protection, and connection that every person needs.

We Are Wired for Connection

Human beings are wired for connection. When connection is threatened or lost, our nervous system responds in ways designed to protect us.

Many of the struggles people experience today—anxiety, shame, emotional overwhelm, people-pleasing, difficulty trusting others, or feeling disconnected from themselves—can be understood as adaptive responses to relationships in which safety, acceptance, or emotional responsiveness were missing.

As Dr. Sue Johnson writes:

"Loss of a felt sense of connection with such loved ones is painful and creates a disorienting sense of vulnerability. Disconnection at times of high need can be traumatizing for human beings."
— Dr. Sue Johnson

Healing from relational trauma often happens through relationship. Within a safe, attuned therapeutic connection, it becomes possible to explore old patterns with compassion, process painful emotions, and develop new experiences of security, trust, and self-worth.

Signs You May Be Experiencing
Relational Trauma

Many people who seek therapy for relational trauma do not initially identify their experiences as trauma. They may simply know that they feel stuck, overwhelmed, or disconnected.

You may be experiencing relational trauma if you:

Struggle with relationships

Fear being abandoned or rejected.
Feel anxious when relationships feel uncertain.
Have difficulty trusting others.
Find yourself drawn into familiar but painful relationship patterns.
Struggle to express your needs or set boundaries.

Experience emotional challenges

Feel shame or self-blame.
Have difficulty identifying or expressing emotions.
Become overwhelmed by conflict or emotional closeness.
Shut down, withdraw, or disconnect when things feel too intense.
Feel responsible for keeping others happy.

Feel disconnected from yourself

Have difficulty knowing what you want or need.
Feel disconnected from your body or emotions.
Experience a strong inner critic.
Feel like you have different parts of yourself pulling in different directions.

These patterns often developed for a reason. Relational Trauma Therapy can help you understand them with curiosity and compassion while creating new ways of responding.

Relational Trauma vs. Single-Incident Trauma

Trauma can take many forms.

Some trauma results from a single overwhelming event, such as an accident, assault, or natural disaster. Other trauma develops through repeated relational experiences over time.

Relational trauma often involves experiences that shape our sense of self and relationships, such as:

"My needs don't matter."
"I have to take care of everyone else."
"I cannot depend on others."
"I am too much or not enough."
"I have to protect myself to be safe."

Because relational trauma is connected to attachment and identity, healing often involves more than understanding what happened. It involves developing new emotional experiences of safety, acceptance, and connection.

Our Approach: Relational Trauma Therapy

Kumsal specializes in helping adults heal from the effects of relational trauma, developmental trauma, complex trauma, PTSD, and attachment injuries.

Her work is grounded in Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT)—an attachment-based, experiential model developed from attachment science and the work of Dr. Sue Johnson.

EFIT recognizes that many emotional struggles are connected to unmet attachment needs, painful relational experiences, and protective patterns developed over time.

Through the therapeutic relationship, EFIT helps clients access and transform painful emotional experiences while developing greater self-compassion, emotional flexibility, and a more secure sense of self.

Her approach integrates:

Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT)
Attachment science
CBT
DBT
Mindfulness
Parts work
Trauma-informed care

Rather than following a one-size-fits-all approach, therapy is collaborative and tailored to your unique history, strengths, and goals.

Meet Kumsal

Kumsal Kosar, BSc, PhD, MSW, RSW

Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist

Founder & Owner of Our Healing Connection Therapy

Welcome! I’m Kumsal, a Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist, and the founder of Our Healing Connection.

My passion is helping individuals and couples navigate distress, heal from trauma, and build more secure, resilient relationships.

Because therapy is a deeply personal journey, I want you to feel confident that you are working with a qualified, highly trained specialist who grounds their practice in evidence-based methods.

My Credentials & Professional Background

Professional Registration:

I am a Registered Social Worker in good standing with the Ontario College of Social Workers and Social Service Workers (OCSWSSW), Registration Number: 848023.
I am also registered to provide online services in two other provinces:
Nova Scotia College of Social Workers (NSCSW) (Telepractice Registration) | Registration Number: 10776
Alberta College of Social Workers (ACSW) (E-practice) | Registration number: 20538

Education:

I hold a Bachelor of Science (BSc), a Doctor of Philosophy (PhD), and a Master of Social Work (MSW).

Years of Experience:

I bring over 10 years of clinical and academic experience in mental health to my practice, combining deep academic research with hands-on therapeutic expertise.

Specialized Training:

I have dedicated myself to intensive training to ensure my clients receive the most effective care possible. My specialized training includes:

EFIT

Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT) for Trauma: A 2-Day in-person Certification Training in Healing Attachment Wounds. Trainers: Dr. Leanne Campbell, PhD and Robin Williams Blake, RP (upcoming October 29-30, 2026), PESI Canada, 12 hours
Mastering Skills and Overcoming Challenges in EFIT: A Consultation Process - Trainers: Dr. Senem Zeytinoglu Saydam and Dr. Ali Barbosa - ICEEFT, 12 hours
Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy Essentials (Level 1+ Level 2) - Trainers: Dr. Kathryn De Bruin and Dr. Teri Murphy, ICEEFT, 24 hours
Using Attachment History to Map the Cycle & Decode the Attachment Dilemma - Trainer: Dr. Ryan Rana (May 22, 2026) - SNVEFT, 6 hours
Attachment Injury Repair (AIRM) - Trainers: Drs. James Hawkins & Leanne Campbell - SNVEFT, 12 hours

Trauma and Addictions

Trauma Certificate, Wilfrid Laurier University (WLU) - (ongoing) - 84 hours
Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP) -Evergreen Certifications, 2025
Polyvagal Theory for Embodied Trauma Recovery - Trainer: Dr. Arielle Schwartz - PESI, 16 hours
Seeking Safety Webinar- Treatment Innovations
Trauma-Informed Practice Webinar- Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA)
Introduction to Problem Gambling Course-GGTU CAMH

Mindfulness

Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)- Centre for Mindfulness Studies, Toronto (16h + one silent retreat)

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) 3-day Certification Training- Trainer: Dr. Lane Pederson - PESI AU
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT): An Introduction to Essential Components-SickKids CCMHLI

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Psychosis - Training by Dr. Noah Lazar, 7 hours
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) Certificate, Wilfrid Laurier University, 72 hours
CBT Level II – Anxiety Disorders and Depression, Wilfrid Laurier University, 36hours
CBT Level I - Fundamental Skills OISE, University of Toronto, 36 hours

Ongoing Supervision & Consultation

I actively participate in advanced clinical consultation and supervision to continually refine my practice.

My Approach

I offer compassionate individual and couples therapy in both English and Turkish. Services are available virtually across Ontario, Alberta, and Nova Scotia, and in-person at my Toronto office.

Whether you are seeking to repair a repeating conflict in your relationship or heal from past trauma, I am here to support you every step of the way

Learn more about Kumsal

Contact Us

We provide a free 15-minute consultation to connect and determine whether we are a good fit. It will also give us a better idea of the issues you are looking for support with and how we can support you.

Are you ready to establish our healing connection?

You can email us at hello@ourhealingconnection.ca

to request an appointment.

Relational Trauma Therapy